Welcome To Kindergarten, We Accept Credit Cards

I finally went out again last night and I mean going out in the sense of club hopping, seeing friends and coming home hammered at 5 in the morning.

A friend of ours celebrated her birthday at Krystal yesterday. I have never been nor heard of the place before so I was quite curious what this place would have to offer. It was a special party yesterday, the so called "Russian Party" so I was ready to see some really freaky stuff going on.
The party was nice, the music a bit on the special side of things. I never understood Russian music, it always sounded like 1990´s euro-trash meets intoxicated singer to me and yesterday was no exception. Lot´s of songs were T.A.T.U remixes. T.A.T.U the pseudo lesbian hot lolita chicks combo which was huge a few years ago. I expected more bleached blondes with huge lips but the number of guys with no taste in clothing, very expensive watches which looked like toasters on their wrists, and a complete lack of rhythm was impressive.

I got bored after a while so some friends decided that we should move on to another place. While in the car we were contemplating where to go and we decided that we should give Platinum a try. I have been to Platinum a couple of times, but never on a regular Friday or Saturday, only to special parties. The freaky stuff I was expecting at Krystal was actually happening at Platinum.

The common design theme for clubs here in Geneva seems to be the darker the place the better and that place was no exception. It was very very dark, it was absolutely unnecessary that I spackled on the 2 centimeters of make-up that night. I could have gone with as little as a bit of mascara and I would have looked like a movie star.

So it was dark and incredibly loud. I´m usually a person who listens to his Ipod on full volume, so not only will I be deaf by the age of 40 but it´s also a bad sign if I consider music at a club too loud. I had a very nice husky voice when I got up this morning from all the screaming that was going on trying to communicate with my friends.

The most shocking thing at Platinum for me was the age of the partying people. It was like elementary school in there. 15 year old Boys smoking cigars, nearly choking on them, the size of bananas. I am sorry but it looks very wrong seeing a pimple-faced kid sucking on such a thing, it´s almost homoerotic in a very sick and twisted way. The girls were dressed up to the heels. Well the heals were ugly Gucci boots, but the drag queen make up from the little hooker collection made up for the bad shoes. I assume these are the kids people in Geneva are talking about. The ones spending dad´s money and probably dieing of an overdose by the age of 18. Of course they were drinking like fish, pretending to like the champagne, vodka and gin. I honestly believe they didn´t like it. The only booze I liked when I was their age was Baileys because it was so sweet. So you had a room full of drunk, horny and nicotine buzzed teenagers pretending to be grown ups. I felt so old it was unbearable. I was actually waiting for one of the kids to offer me his seat since standing up a prolonged period of time cannot be healthy for a person my age. There is a huge LED display on the wall behind the DJ which is able to show very sophisticated coloured animations, but yesterday the only thing it was showing was "THIS IS GENEVA" in huge white letters on a black background. I think it´s for the kids to remember where they are so they can call their drivers to pick them up after they have puked their guts out on the toilet.

My friends and I finished our drinks quite fast and left. We spent a maximum of 15 minutes in there. 15 minutes too long. We moved on to Shakers, the place where old sad losers like us belong to. It´s way more fun to be drunk, horny and nicotine buzzed in a place where the people around you are your age.

I learned my lesson and I will never ever go to Platinum again if it´s not a special party. It was a very entertaining night though.

Breaking The Habit

I HAD ENOUGH!!!

I have been trying to quit smoking a zillion times and I failed every single time. I tried cold turkey, which nearly resulted in a murder-suicide, gum which burned my gums because I was chewing frantically trying to get all the nicotine out of it, the stuff with the needles, what´s it called - heroin, just kidding, and patches. The patches were providing the best results but eventually I would start smoking again so mission not accomplished.

I smoke since I am 16, it started with 2 or 3 ciggies a day in school, just to fit in. I can´t believe that I was so stupid to fall for it. The bad thing about smoking is that you really don´t like it in the beginning. It tastes awful and the buzz it gives you is rather disturbing, so why would you become addicted to that stuff. Well I did, like most of the other "cool" kids. Fast forward to twelve years later, smoking around 30 cigarettes a day. That means, if I calculate an average of 25 cigarretes per day, that I have smoked 109.500 cigarettes in my life. That´s insane, that´s 5.475 packs or 35.000 Francs, at going rate. Did I get my moneys worth? I sure did. I am not able to smell or taste as good as non-smokers. I have big pores, my skin aged pre-maturely, my teeth are not as white as they could be, my clothes stink, I stink, I am moody, basicly I am an outlaw in this world where more and more people don´t smoke. Not thinking about the fact that I may die younger because of this filthy habit.

I don´t regret having my face botoxed, but what I regret is that it might not have been necessary if I had chosen not to smoke at all.

So, from tomorrow, Saturday the 5th of April, on I will start to take Champix, Pfizer´s more or less new anti smoking pill. That stuff is like Methadone, blocking the receptors for nicotine, so smoking will not have the desired effect anymore. I will have to stop smoking within 8 days of starting taking the pills. We´ll see how that goes. I am already looking forward to the weight gain, mood swings and being more bitchy than ever.

Pastels Are Back - The End Is Near

Flipping through the latest issue of GQ I realized that my biggest nightmare in terms of colours is back, Pastels. I hate them from the bottom of my heart. For me, pastels are such an uninspired coulour, if you have no clue what colour you like or you are afraid to make a statement, just wear pastels.

Wearing colours was never my cup of tea, I tried it several times and it failed horribly every single time. I guess my skin looks even more pale when I wear colours and on top I have no clue what colour goes with what skin tone. I guess I would have been a great costume designer in the era of silent movies but nowadays I would screw it up big time.

Anyway, pastels are back. From Alexander McQueen to Ermenegildo Zegna all major designers feature pastels exessively in their mens spring/summer 2008 collections and I´m seriously worried what will be next. After pastels there is only one way, down hill.

Pastels are for french pastries, men in their midlife crisis, rich bitches whose faces have been pulled so tight that they can´t see what they´re buying, dog clothing, cough drops and boring wedding china.

I will ignore this trend, like most of the other trends, and will stick with a fresh mouse grey, Hollywood bleached teeth white and the usual jet black this season.

Picture: GQ

How To Get Rid Of Puffy Eyes

Everyone knows the problem. You have been clubbing way too long the night before and you have an important meeting / brunch / shopping trip in the morning. You drag yourself out of bed and there they are. Big swollen bags under your eyes plus red eyes that would make a great addition to your zombie halloween outfit.

It is always a good idea to have two coffee spoons in the freezer. In case you had a fabulous night but a not so fabulous morning, simply get the spoons out of the freezer and place them over your eyes for a couple of minutes. Add a few drops of Visine and you are good to go. If there is still a bit of swelling going on, simply put a small ammount of hemorrhoid cream under your eyes. The cream will contract the tissue and therefore giving you a mini eye lift. Do not use the cream too often, it´s supposed to be a S.O.S. measure.

Botox - Before And After

Allright, in my previous Blog I said I would post some before and after pics of my Botox.


I am very selective with pictures of me, so it was hard to find a good before picture.
I found one which was taken a month ago. I must say that my lines were in an early state so I could cover them up pretty well with concealer. Note that the before picture is actually a picture where I have applied concealer. Simply couldn´t find a better one. The after pic is from today, right after the shower, no make up no concealer, no moisturizer no photoshop whatsoever as you can see from the zit I have going on there.

Had the Botox 14 days ago and I will have the touch up tomorrow. The pores look funky, that´s because the skin is flat now and not tilted like before. It is only temporary so soon it will look great. Click on the picture for a larger view.

Update:
Seven months after my initial treatment and a touch-up after 5 months there is not a single line on my forehead. I am really happy with the results.



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German Stereotypes

There are lots of websites filled with cliches about Germans and being German I was wondering if they are right or not. So here is a quick check if I am a typical German or not.

Germans are fat.
I have a BMI of 19.0 so I can say that I am not fat.

Germans wear leather trousers, all of them do.
Lederhosen are part of the traditional dress of Bavaria and Bavaria is only a small part of Germany. I have never owned or worn a pair of Lederhosen, although I think they make a nice ass.

Germans have beer guts and drink beer like water.
I don´t like beer at all. I am more of a vodka person but a lot of Germans love love love their beer.

Germans eat a lot of Sauerkraut and Bratwurst.
I don´t like Sauerkraut, it makes me bloated and I don´t like the taste. I like Bratwurst but prefer Currywurst, which is a cut up bratwurst topped with warm ketchup and curry powder. The don´t have it in Geneva so I eat it once or twice a year. The typical German eats 32 kilos of sausage a year. Amazing isn´t it?

Germans wear beards.
I was never very fond of facial hair, at least not on myself. It looks very weird, very wrong and doesn´t go very well with my design theme.

Germans have blond hair and blue eyes.
I have blue eyes, even without my contacts, and I am a very dark, dirty blond. With all the gel I put in it looks nearly black though.

Germans have a terrifying efficiency.
I wish that would be true for me but I am slightly ADD, so not really. I just want things to be done properly. I don´t do half way.

Germans want world domination.
What is wrong with that?

Germans speak very good English with a very bad accent.
I even think in English and my German is getting really bad. I think I got rid of most of my accent. I can pronounce a TH as in with, without problem. Even a W is not a problem. But there are some words I am struggling with but mainly because I never heard them spoken but read them before. I just learned how to say counterfeit.

Germans have no humor.
I would say my humor is more British than German. Germans prefer a lot of very blunt and vulgar jokes.

Germans go to Mallorca for holidays.
I have been there once, so it´s partially true, but I hated it. If I want to see drunk misbehaving Germans I don´t have to go to a Spanish island to see that.

Germans love David Hasselhoff.
I must admit that I loved Knight Rider and that I owned some of his records. Hey, those were the 80´s and I was so not cool.

Germans make good bread.
So true, I love good bread but cannot make it myself. Switzerland is kind of ok, but I guess I will suffer if I ever have to live in the states.

Germans are very punctual.
I am very punctual to an extent it´s painful. I have to work on that since I get really upset if someone is even 2 minutes too late. Back in Germany I would call after 2 minutes and leave after waiting for 10 minutes. Time is one of the things I can never get back. Once lost it´s lost forever.

Oh dear, writing that list makes me realize how much of a German I really am, so I will stop here before I start to get depressed. I really wanna do a list about gay cliches, but I guess I will do that later on.

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Internet, CAN`T Live Without It

Because of some contract changes I was without Internet for 7 hours today and I am still a bit shaken up. When did I become so addicted to the Net? I mean I spent most of my youth without Internet, till the age of 17 to be precise though I had a computer, but nowadays I am pretty much helpless without it. I wanted to look up the number for the Swisscom hotline, oh wait no internet. I wanted to check if my flight to Düsseldorf has been confirmed, same thing. I wanted to fax a copy of the contract to Swisscom, dang I use an internet to fax gateway.

Thank god I had my trusty Blackberry, otherwise I would have had to go to one of these cafes and type on a germ infected keyboard, eeeeeeew. Isn´t it amazing how much the net changed our lives? Back then you would go to your mailbox looking forward to snail mail from your friends, though I never replyied I rather called and today you simply don´t want to open your mailbox since the only people who send you mail in the old fashioned way want money from you.

I really should look into hacking my neigbours wifi, just in case.