Retouch My Body

I hate MOOriah Carey so naturally I love it when her music gets spoofed.
Check out the video, it´s fabulous.

Typical Sunday In Geneva

Sunday in Geneva 20 degrees, no plans, no brunches to attend, what does one do?

What everybody is doing, going to the lake.
Must not forget to apply sun blocker.

My Public Transportation Hell

Geneva has a very sophisticated always on time network of trams which I am very grateful for since I cannot drive. Well, I like to think that I can, I simply don´t have a license and in Geneva you don´t really need to drive. Finding a parking spot in Geneva is very hard, can I park here, oh no, blue lines, I need a macaron thingie, can I park there, yes, but only from Monday to Tuesday between 04:00 and 4:30 in the morning and so on.

So, like most of the people I know here, I am taking the tram which is quite OK. It´s not like in L.A. where only the poor people take the tram, it´s absolutely accepted here and also a very interesting place to do some people watching. You have the bankers in their cute little outfits hunched over their blackberries, the adorable Russian girls from Lukoil in their amazingly tight costumes, people from the UN in colorful gowns, well, depending on country of origin, spoiled american au-pairs which end every sentence with "totally" or "awesome" and so on.

There is only one thing I really hate about trams. It´s the level of noise in there. I am not really an aggressive person, but those kiddies with their cell phones playing french rap on speakerphone are driving me towards insanity. I am not a big fan of rap neither am I into the French language so you can imagine what it think of Leh Rubb. One day I will forget my Ipod at home and that is the day when one of these cell phones is flying out of the window.

The other source of noise I hate on the trams are the musicians. Actually I wouldn´t call them musicians, I would call them people with instruments. Most of them prefer the #15 tram going towards Cornavin train station, getting on at the Plain Palais stop. It seems they figured out that the could make the most money on that line. There are so many of them in different configurations, it´s amazing. There are the guitar boys, the old guy with the violin, the countless accordion players, The cello trio, the saxophone women who always butchers "Que Sera, Sera" and of course my personal favorite, Synthesizer Lady.

That women is amazing. She has one of these huge ugly keyboards on top of a stroller with an optional baby in there. Sometimes it´s there, sometimes it´s not. If it´s the same baby I don´t know. Anyway, keyboard on top of stroller and amplifier from hell on the bottom of the stroller. She is always very friendly, saying bonjour and bon journee but that doesn´t help the fact that her singing is awful. I mean really bad. Imagine an old Fado, that Portuguese I want to slash my wrists, but I will sing about it for hours so you want to slash your throat music, singer who had too many ciggies and too much whiskey in her life so her voice sounds like a rusty file plus the inability to stay in tune or in rhythm. It´s unbearable, every time she steps on the tram I am switching my music to the loudest cheap Techno I can find, it´s so bad.

Tourists might find music in public transportation romantic, I don´t and if I want hear that kind of music, I go to Paris.

Never go on public transport without an Ipod, earplugs or suicide pills!!

I Want To See Kylie

Glocals is having a competition in the moment, the best posting on why one would deserve to see Kylie Minogue´s concert in Geneva can win 2 VIP tickets. I want these tickets!!!

I will never ever do something unscripted again. I blabber too much and too fast and loose my grammar on the way.

Anyway, here is my posting, I decided to make a little video.

Downtown -- You Won´t Find A Place For Sure

Geneva is not as vibrant as it could be to begin with but it seems that the Bel-Air area is slowly dying in the moment. One Bar is closing after the other. The latest was Le Baroque and now Alhambar might get closed down so we get another music hall.

I like this side of the lake, it´s nicer, it has the good shopping, the parcs, the cute bankers you can watch during lunch time, all the fancy schmancy jewellers but it is nearly dead as soon as the shops close.

Do I really have to go to Paquis everytime I want to lounge in a bar in the evening? I am not a fan of Paquis, never found prostitues appealing, especially prostitutes who think I might be potential business. Come on, as personal relaxation assistants should their gaydars be up to date, and I beep loud and clearly, trust me. So I don´t like to be around Paquis, I´m not scared but I simply don´t like it. A friend of mine got very scared when we were walking through Paquis and I explained to her that the drug dealers will not harm her since they want to make a living as well. A nice and friendly non mercie is enough to get them off your back.

Anyway, does´nt Geneva have someone who is planning or controlling the city with it´s bars, shops and stuff? I mean there should be at least some places to go to in Bel-Air besides the UBS ATM. No wonder cocooning became such a trend.

Tick Tock

TICK TOCK

Vacation In Style - There Is A Waiting List. 30 Years!

As it seems my ideas of traveling do not fit my actual age. I was surfing the net last night looking for a nice destination for the next trip. Of course there are all these monster hotels on the coast of a bigger or smaller island, cruises on huge ships which have everything form a movie theater to a mall, for the adventurous people there are backpacking trips through Asia or Australia.

All the above things are not for me. For me, the Hotel is as important as the destination itself. As I have mentioned before, I love Hotels and not leaving the Hotel room the entire day sounds very blissful. So what would be the best vacation for me? I guess a fancy hotel room that moves around and all I have to do is step out to see something new, or simply look out of the window. Some people might say that I should try an RV trip where you drive around in a truck which has everything you need. Well, I am not a big fan of that since I have to cook, clean, make the bed and stuff like that and taking a servant along on the trip is impractical. I need my privacy.

So yesterday I found the perfect thing for me. A trip down the Nile in a luxury steamer ship originally constructed in Preston by the Royal Navy in 1918, the SS Misr was purchased and later converted into a luxury Nile steamer for King Farouk and is recorded as the venue for the King’s birthday celebrations. Now fully restored to a 5-star deluxe propeller steam vessel, the SS Misr accommodates just 45 passengers in spacious, air-conditioned cabins and suites and there is a crew of 63 to ensure the highest level of service. All cabins and suites have a private balcony and en-suite bathrooms.

The two Panorama suites at the front of the vessel offer impressive panoramic views. The period-style restaurant accommodates all guests at one sitting. There is also a lower sun deck with comfortable wicker chairs and an upper sun deck with a pool and sun beds for relaxation. I love the fact that there are only 45 passengers and 63 crew. I don´t like large crowds of people, for example at the breakfast buffet in the morning. Wait, I don´t do breakfast buffets, I prefer having breakfast in my room.

Another thing I would also enjoy would be a vacation on board of a luxury train going cross country. I mean a real luxury train not the Amtrak where I have to shower over the toilet.
With a nice suite cabin with separate sitting area.


A picturesque (that would be creepy with lots of fog) villa somewhere on a cliff in England would be nice as well, but they should have a helipad somewhere on the grounds, just in case I feel the urge to go clubbing and I am sure there is no club in the next town 50 miles away named Tippton St. Something.


There is a catch to all the above mentioned. I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS. All the pictures of the ship or the train where you can actually see people, features a wide selection of white haired people. If the youngest guest on one of these trips is under 55 you are lucky. Can you imagine me surrounded by a crowd of elderly ladies and gentlemen? I would be in the bar car from eleven in the morning on to drown my sorrow that there is no one who wants to play with me in Martini. Wearing a tuxedo of course, being an alcoholic is fine but lack of style is inexcusable.

If there would be an Agatha Christie travel company I would book with them for the rest of my life. Death on the Nile tour, yes please. Murder on the orient express, wait, let me look for my Vuitton trunks. Random English mansion murder mystery, you got me on mansion. Evil under the sun, I´ll take one, keep the sun.

I miss the 1920´s.